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WRITERS STRIKE, GOV. DAVIS CALLS OUT GUARD
CHENEY, LIEBERMAN, BENNETT CALL FOR NATIONALIZING ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY
 Sacremento, CA - (IGN) - California Governor Gray "Gray" Davis ordered the state National Guard to L.A. today to restore order and, if necessary, break the writer's strike.
     A division of guardsmen moved immediately into position outside the Writer's Guild at Doheny and Wilshire.
     Other units of the Guard were dispatched to Burbank and Culver City to confront strikers in front of the studios. Elite airborne Guardsmen parachuted onto the Paramount lot and faced off with strikers there.
     "People need their TV programming, they need their movies," Davis declared. "The strike must be broken. Without diversion, people will pay attention to politics, democracy, the energy crisis-- we can't let that happen," he said.
     Meanwhile, in Washington D.C., Vice President Dick "Richard" Cheney, Joe "Jehovah" Lieberman, and William "Sphincter" Bennett issued a statement calling on President Bush to nationalize the entertainment industry.
     "When in the course of human events it is self-evident," the statement read, in part.
     "Nationalizing the entertainment industry will not only break the strike, it will allow us to dictate content. This is not censorship. We're elected. This is democracy," Bennett said.
     Cheney said the President can nationalize any industry in the interests of national defense.
     "We're under attack from rogue nations and all we get from Hollywood is gender confusion programming. If it's not in our national interest to straighten up and fly right, then I don't know what is," Cheney said.
     "My job is to be more right-wing than they are," Lieberman said, "so I say any writer who doesn't get back to work should be stoned."
     "Uh, that didn't come out right," he added, explaining his writer was on strike.
     Network executives, seeking to appease the government during the strike, have been showing Dr. Laura twenty-four hours a day.
     Many writers say the threat of the Guard will not deter them, but if threatened with a blacklist, many say they will cave and name names, "in the spirit of Elia Kazan."