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HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS CONVERT TO DEMOCRATIC PARTY
GOP Ponders Calling On Supreme Court For Remedy
 St. Louis, MO - (GNS) - On the heels of Senator Jim Jeffords (I.- VT) changing his party affiliation and throwing the balance of power in the Senate to the Democrats, hundreds of thousands of Americans, from Maine to California, from Texas to Minnesota, from Hawaii to Alaska, have converted to the Democratic Party, according to Gene Wilder, accountant with the Federal Bureau of Statistics & Stuff, in St. Louis, Missouri.
     "People everywhere are re-registering, changing to Democrats. It's epidemic," confirmed Dr. Styron Geld of the Center For Communicable Disease Control in Atlanta, Georgia.
     "I suddenly woke up and realized I was a Democrat," said Rod Staples, a meatpacker in Green Bay, Wisconsin. Analysts say Staples is typical of the conversions.
     "Ordinary people from all walks of life apparently listened to what Jeffords had to say about the Republicans, and realized they were not Republicans."
     "I ain't no moderate, I ain't no moderate's son," said Jesse Chase, a bartender in Memphis, Tennessee. "An' I'm sure tired of bein' conservative. Let's party! Democrat Party!" he shouted to a bar full of customers, all of whom cheered in agreement.
     Scientists studying the overnight conversion wondered if it might be genetic or chemical.
     "We know we don't understand the human mind, and we know we don't understand politics. Thus, we can conclude very little," said Dr. Keysarian Flinn of the University of Michigan. "But it's all the rage these days to pin everything on genetics and chemicals. Maybe it's the anti-depressants."
     Republican leaders have their own theories, and possible remedies.
     "There's something in the water. They put something in the water," Senator Trenchmouth Lott was heard to grumble on his way to a meeting with Justices Rehnquist, Scalia, and Thomas at the Supreme Court.
     But other scientists doubted the reasons for the conversion were scientific.
     "There is nothing to support that theory. No medical evidence, no scientific evidence. Maybe anecdotal evidence, but anecdotes are not really evidence," said Dr. Warner Hertsgaard, of Yale University.
     "I think I've been a Democrat all my life, and I was just scared to admit it," said twenty-year old Laurence Deloria of Peoria, Illinois. "You know, the ridicule and all. But Jeffords switching, publicly, that gave me courage," the gas station attendant said.
     Rabbi Milton Field offered this explanation at a meeting of several religious leaders in Teaneck, New Jersey.
     "No one can really say why they believe the Democrats will do a better job, or why they suddenly decided to become Democrats. It's really a matter of faith."
     "Faith-based politics?" groaned presidential advisor Tarleton Rave. "That's a terrible idea. Oh God," he said.