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Russia Refuses To Dump ABM Treaty For Bucks Borscht, Russia - (GIN) - Russian official said "Nyet" today to an American offer to dump the ABM Treaty and sell its nuclear weapons arsenal to the United States. "It is stupid idea," said Boris Putin, Director of Russia's Department for Reviewing Stupid Ideas. "ABM Treaty has kept peace for almost thirty years. We do not sell our security," he said. The U.S. wants Russia to dump the twenty-nine year old treaty in favor of the newer, flashier, costlier and as yet unproven Star Wars Strategic Defense Initiatve concept. U.S. Secretary of War Donald Rumsfeld was reportedly unhappy upon hearing the reply. "Damn Communists," he reportedly said. Republican Moderate Senator Arlen "Single Bullet" Spectre was more sanguine. "This is what happens when we fail to bring them around to capitalism. They turn down money. Obviously, we've got to convince them that money overrides nationalism, as it does with so many multi-national corporations and conglomerates here." he said. |
