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ROVE AVOIDS SUSPICION, SCRUTINY, INVESTIGATION, HOUNDING, LIFE AS A PUNCHLINE
Dems Pussyfoot Around For Sake Of Myth of Bipartisanship
Washington D.C. - (GNS) - Presidential Advisor Karl Rove, best known for his portrayal of a presidential advisor on the Comedy Central TV series "That's My Bush", has avoided what promised to be a revealing and entertaining investigation and scandal.
     Rove, who owned beaucoups bucks worth of stock in Intel, met with Intel as a presidential advisor, while still owning the stock, to not discuss pending legislation that would adversely effect Intel.
     "We didn't discuss it at the beginning of the meeting, during the course of the meeting and at the end of the meeting," Rove has maintained all along. "I did not have discussion with that woman," he said, referring to the Intel lobbyist he met with who he didn't talk to about the threatening legislation.
     Rove said the meeting was about, uh, other stuff.
     "We talked about the weather in Washington and what kind of season the Texas Rangers would have, you know, with A-Rod," he said.
     Rove said the pending legislation never came up, and when it did come up, he covered his ears, and when he heard what they were saying anyway he started singing.
     "What did he start singing, that's what we want to know," said Senator Henry Waxman, (D.-CA)
     Waxman (D.-CA) called for an investigation, but Senate Majority Leader Tom Daschle (D.-SD) rejected the idea.
     "We're here to legislate, not investigate," he said. Republican Senators cracked up upon hearing this.
     Republicans congratulated Daschle on his wimpy, academic position.
     "The American public is tired of seeing administration officials dragged through the mud in warrantless investigations," former Senator and now Attorney General John Ashcroft said. "And I have the tapes to prove it," he added.
     Rove told friends he did not remember what he started singing, but he said he was "pretty sure it was not anything that had to do with agreeing to Intel's request to intervene," and if it was, he didn't really mean it, he said.
     Media pundits dismissed the story rightaway.
     "The American public is tired of seeing administration officials dragged through the mud in warrantless investigations," said mediawhore George Apocalypse. "They're much more interested in who killed Robert Blake's wife," he said, "as they should be. It was a national tragedy."
     Rumors that Congressman Wade (D.-MU) would challenge Daschle's decision and lead the fight against Rove were dismissed.
     "Rove vs. Wade? You've got to be kidding," said a source who asked to remain anonymous.