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PUTIN SIGNS ON TO SDI
Bush Assures Him It Will Never Work

A Special Report
by Fictional Times Correspondents
Desmond Redondo & Gilbert Hurricane

Washington, D.C. - (GNS) - The full text of the agreement between President Bush and Premier (or whatever they call them) Putin was released yesterday.
     It revealed a clever arrangement on the part of the new president, much maligned for his incoherent approach to foreign policy.
     Putin, according to the text, agreed to support a strategic defense initiative after Bush assured him "it will never work".
     Analysts said Russians have a long history of embracing second-rate and failed technology, so it was not a major concession for them to come to this position.
     "Meanwhile, Putin gets Bush to admit American technology cannot deliver what is promised," said Dr. Tanner Flukman, a senior strategist at the Humdinger Institute.
     "Some would argue Putin got the better deal, but the real question is, was Bush telling the truth?" Flukman said, with a wink.
     Flukman noted Nixon's power often came from the enemy believing he was mad.
     "Bush is exploring the power of incoherency," Flukman said.
     Defense Department spokesman George Meade denied the text was accurate.
     "Our policy is we don't care how many missiles you've got, you fire at us, we'll shoot 'em down. It's a much better policy than mutual reduction of missiles and the fact that our technology isn't in place yet, well, so?" Meade said.