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Pope Hatfield Seeks Reconciliation With Archbishop McCoy Athens, Greece - (IGN) - Pope John Hatfield flew to Athens for the first time ever in an attempt to end the longstanding schism between the Hatfields and McCoys. He met with Archbishop McCoy to discuss the idea and propose reconciliation. "This schism has gone on long enough," the Pope declared upon landing. "Bad things have been done, bad feelings exist. And to tell you the truth, I don't even remember what started the whole thing," the Pope said. Thousands of demonstrators greeted the Pope before his meeting with the Archbishop. "Keep the Schism!!" they shouted. Historians and scholars have written that the schism began over a disagreement about the proper recipe for the moonshine required for the Communion service. But folklore persists that the actual break had to do with an argument over latin grammar, the Greek alphabet, and the proper conjugation of the verb "fixin'". The Hatfields, who don't use the contraction "Y'all" rejected the McCoys translation of the Biblical phrase, "Whither thou goest, I goest" as "Wherever y'all's fixin' to go, I'll go." Archbishop McCoy was given a precious red box by the Pope as a reconciliation offering, but said, "It'll take more than a precious red box to overlook a thousand years of oppresive grammar and narrowminded interpretations of recipes." More meetings are planned, the Pope's Executive Director of Reconciliation said. |
