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SPY PLANE PARTS RETURN SAFELY, GREETED WITH HERO'S WELCOME AND PARADE
Yallgrits, GA - (GIN) - The spy plane parts seized and held prisoner for three months by the Red Chinese arrived safely yesterday at Grits Air Force Base and received an enthusiastic hero's welcome and a parade.
     Thousands of citizens were on hand from as far away as Thomasville, gathered at the airport to cheer the parts as they came off the plane, ending their three-month ordeal in the hands of the Chinese Communists.
     "I'm sure I speak for all Americans in welcoming you back and applauding your heroism," Base Commander General Harcourt Fenton "Monkey" Wrench told the parts as they lay on the tarmac after deplaning.
     "These parts may be silent, but they speak volumes when it comes to patriotism and honor," Wrench said.
     After Wrench's speech the parts were moved to several floats and escorted in a military parade down Main Street in nearby Yallgrits.
     Yallgrits Mayor Fudd Spam lead the parade, accompanied by Miss Yallgrits 2001 Kathy Pert, of Beauregard Antebellum High School, who held one of the heroic fly-rods to her bosom throughout the parade.
     The Forcibly Integrated High School Marching Band followed the Mayor and Miss Pert. They were followed by sixteen floats, each with many heroic parts.
     One cable, wounded in the fight with the Reds, was greeted with a spontaneous reception by the crowds on the sidewalk, who burst into Pete Seeger's "If I Had A Hammer" as they waved toy hammers with American flags.
     At the end of the twenty-four minute parade, Mayor Spam announced plans for a banquet and dance "to honor our returning parts."
     General Wrench said the parts will have a week of liberty, and then they will be reassembled into a spy plane and returned to active duty.