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EVERYONE MOVES TO OLDUVAI GORGE Massive Relocation Puts Everyone "Back Where They Came From" Olduvai Gorge, Africa - (GIN) - In an effort to end warfare and terrorism over territorial disputes and historical claims of sovereignty, everyone moved back to Olduvai Gorge earlier today. Olduvai Gorge is where scientists believe human life originated. "By having everyone move back here, we've eliminated all the arguments about who settled where first," said anthropologist Peyton Sky. "At first we thought of having everyone move back to the Tigress and Euphrates, long thought to be the cradle of civilization," Sky explained, "but that's in Iran, and the last thing the Iranians would've wanted or allowed is the whole world trooping into their desert paradise." Sky said there were intermediate plans, like having all white people move to Europe and all black people move to Africa and all asian people move to Chinatown, "but that doesn't end up eliminating the dispute. After all, in the mideast you've got semite against semite, and in Ireland, well, I don't really know what that's about," he said. Ultimately, Sky said, the only way to solve the problem was to take the plunge and have everyone return to Olduvai. "Once here, no one can say, 'Go back to where you came from'," he said. Sky said at some point in the future, if the gorge becomes too crowded, people may migrate out of the area as their ancient ancestors did. "But it would be more like the Oklahoma Land Rush. Everybody'd get a fair shot at everywhere. It'd be a pretty interesting map," he said. |
