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NBA WILL DRAFT FETUSES, GROW B-BALL PLAYERS Chicago, IL - (GNS) - NBA officials announced today they will begin a program of drafting fetuses and raising them as basketball players. Called "The Three Point Shot", the program will teach basketball to draftees as toddlers, adolescents, and teenagers. "Right now we don't really get involved until they're in high school, but by the time they're in high school, it's too late for most of them. With the proper upbringing from day one, we could have a hundred great players for every one now," said Hans Eugenics, Three Point Shot director. Eugenics denied that this was a breeding program. "I don't think we're going to get involved in match-making," he said. "What each team will do is look at the genetic history of the parents while the fetus is in the second or third month. If it looks promising, it'll be drafted. The parents can sign the paperwork, and training begins when the kid pops out," Eugenics said. Training will include special schooling, coaching, physical education, and nutrition, according to the program's assistant coach, Hans Enfeet. "Eye-hand coordination, learning to dribble instead of drool, that kind of thing can start rightaway," Enfeet said. "We'll have these kids watchin' basketball footage by the time they're three. It'll be great," he said. Eugenics said this program will do away with arguments about whether or not the NBA should draft high schoolers. "Frankly, we'll be glad to put that argument behind us. It's not about education or age, it's about what's good for the game," Eugenics said. |
