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MONDALE PROMISES NOT TO CRASH IN PLANE
 "If I Go Down, It'll Be At The Polls"
 St. Wellstone, MN - (GNS)
- Former Vice President, Senator, and US Ambassador to Japan Walter Mondale agreed to run for the Senate, replacing the late Sen. Paul Wellstone on the ballot, tomorrow.
     Mondale, a household name in Minnesota, promised to not crash in a plane.
     "I am a household name," Mondale said. "People remember me. They come up to me and say 'You're Walter Mondale, the household name!'"
     Polls indicate no one really remembers what he did as a vice president, other than bring a northerner to the ticket of a southern governor, but people remember Mondale as a senator.
     "He was like Humphrey, before Humphrey became Vice President," said Fargo Coen, a professor of political similes and Duluth Community College.
     GOP opponents immediately criticized the former vice president for failing to throw up on the Japanese prime minister during his many trips to Japan as ambassador.
     "He's just doing this to win," declared several disgruntled GOP campaign workers who flew in from New Jersey after Frank Lautenberg soared in the polls there.
     Mondale, who had the misfortune to win the presidential nomination of his party when Ronald "He Walks On Water" Reagan was president, joked about his disastrous defeat.
     "It's like, a democrat walks into a bar, and the parrot says, 'stop, I've heard this one before', and the bartender says 'so the blonde falls to the floor. Get it?'" Mondale joked.
     GOP organizers were hopeful Reagan would come and campaign for the GOP senate nominee.
     "After all, Reagan crushed Mondale in '84," they said. "And now Mondale's really old!"
     Election analysts are watching Minnesota closely because it may decide who wins a majority in the senate, not that it will effect the hawk-dove split and the overriding gullibility of senate Democrats who support Bush's war plans.
     "If Mondale wins here, and Lautenberg wins in New Jersey, the Senate might once again have some genuine democratic leadership that knows how to get things done," said Carl Albert, Jr., a former Speaker of the House who was formerly alive but who did not die in a plane crash.
     "Damn straight," agreed Hale Boggs, who did.
     Former GOP Mite Newt Gingrich called for the people of Minnesota to vote "on the issues, not with their emotions," as if issue-oriented voting would help the GOP candidate.
     In related news, the National Transportation Safety Bored announced that gravity and the failure to resist gravity were the likely causes of the plane crash that killed Sen. Wellstone.