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METEOR HITS NORTHEAST; MORGAN FREEMAN, TEA LEONE KILLED
Bruce Willis Fails To Save Pennsylvania; Robert Duvall To Be Court-Martialed
Western, PA - (GNS) - A meteor of unknown proportions hit the northeast United States yesterday, reigning terror and death on parts of Pennsylvania, New York and Virginia, but mostly Pennsylvania.
     President Morgan Freeman and young, vibrant, impetuous TV reporter Tea Leone were killed, but not instantly.
     Oil rig wildcatter and daredevil macho guy Bruce Willis, contracted by the U.S. Army to stop the meteor before it hit, failed.
     Former Astronaut Robert Duvall, also working to stop the meteor, also failed.
     The Army said Duvall will be court-martialed. The charges include failure to enlist Ben Affleck and Steve Buscemi in the effort, relying instead on people whose names no one knows or remembers.
     Freeman was killed when an erratic chunk of meteor headed for southern Pennsylvania suddenly veered straight into the White House.
     Secret Service agents failed to stop the meteor, diverted by a truck of unknown origins parked in the driveway.
     "Our dogs reacted strangely to the truck," said Agent Tommy Retteg. "Turns out, it was just faulty tires."
     Leone was killed by a freak tidal wave that rose up out of Pennsylvania's usually passive Wanongahongamonga River.
     Willis apologized for his failure and said next time he would not name his daughter Liv Tyler.
     Freeman, the nation's first Black president, will lie in state for 28 days, then be buried in Arlington.
     Vice President Glenn Close was sworn in as president shortly after boarding Air Force One to pose for an historic photo.
     No one else was killed or injured by the meteor.