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McVEIGH EXECUTED; PEACE & PROSPERITY REIGN Sun Comes Out, Global Self-Esteem Jumps To 100% Terre Haute, IN - (GNS) - "I feel great!" declared Merton Dunwiddie, an average citizen at an average breakfast diner this morning the moment Timothy McVeigh was executed. "It's almost like being in love," he said. "Our long national nightmare is over," said fellow diner Larry Crushbutton, quoting president Ford's remark about something no one could remember. "This execution, it's like, history or something," exclaimed busboy Ronnie Paddlestein. Polls around the nation and the world indicate these three average folks are not alone in their feelings of joy, relief, optimism and, according to historian Arty Grunch, "a dead-on accurate sense of history." "This is a day that with live in famy," Grunch proclaimed. "I've never seen anything like it," said pollster Harris Reuter. "It's as if skies have cleared up and everyone's put on a happy face." "Sunshine has certainly broken out all over," confirmed pollster U.I. Press. Financial observers said the stock market rose instantly, interest rates went down, Palestinians sat down and broke bread with the English government, the IRA and Israelis went to a soccer game together, the Taliban built a Buddhist statue, the Pope and the Dalai Lama traded gowns, and President Bush dropped his call for a Strategic Defense Initiative. Occurrances of acne also diminished to zero, epidermiologists reported. "And the weather is expected to be great for, well, forever," said CNN weatherman Flip Spiceland (not a made-up name). |
