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LOTT VISITS THURMOND, PLEADS "DON'T DIE" Charleston, S.C. - (GNS) - Still reeling from the "one man coup that stole the government" from the unpopularly elected president, soon to be minority leader Senator Trenchmouth Lott visited Strom Thurmond at his plantation outside of Charleston and pleaded with the 160 year old senator "don't die". Thurmond, who bolted the Democratic party more than thirty-five years ago because of President Johnson's pro-integration positions, responded to Lott by drooling. Lott, from Mississippi, where senility, incontinence, incoherence and feeblemindedness effect people of all ages, said drooling is often a sign of agreement. "He agreed to not die," Lott declared to a gaggle of press gathered on the portico of the plantation. If Thurmond dies during his term, the Democratic governor of South Carolina will in all liklihood appoint a Democrat to take his place, thus decreasing the GOP numbers and diminishing Lott's power even further. "Viagra, vitamins, victory," Lott said, then called out to the reporters, "Mint juleps for everyone!" |
