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EVERYONE LAID OFF
Economy Could Falter
Washington D.C. - (GNS) - Everyone was laid off yesterday in what economists say could be a devastating blow for the economy and President Bush's political future.
     The news came at 2:32pm EST, shortly before the New York Stock Exchange rang its final bell for the day, but no one was there at 3pm to ring the bell, since they'd been laid off.
     "The downside is, everyone's out of work," said former Undersecretary of Stating The Obvious Max Wormhole. "The upside is, well, not apparent yet."
     Former presidential press secretary Ari Uh-oh said Bush would recover from the utterly failed economic situation.
     "Economic indicators are coming in all over," said Uh-oh. "And Bush is a fighter. He's tenacious. He's been down before, like when the Rangers weren't doing well, or one time when his Dad cut his allowance in half and he only got fifty thousand that month. And he's a leader. We'll get out of this," Uh-oh said while sitting in his boat in the Potomac River, searching for a paddle.
     "Don't even joke about this," said Tom Brokaw, author of the bestselling novel 'The Greatest Generation'. "Depression is a horrible thing."
     "Hey, just because everyone's laid off doesn't mean it's a depression," said former Secretary of Bunk Paul O'Neil.
     Boomer spokespersons Chris Matthews and Jeff Greenfield said their generation would respond to this depression by loading up on Prozac, Zoloft and Welbutrin.
     "We don't tough it out," said Greenfield.
     "We take drugs," said Matthews.
     "But you won't see us starting a war, either," said Greenfield.
     "I'd like to," said Matthews.
     President Bush was reported to be taking the news in stride.
     "This will slow up development on my missile shield program, but at least Jenna won't be able to go out and buy a drink," he reportedly said, with unusual philosophical insight.