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IDAHO KIDS SURRENDER, LURED BY PROMISE OF GROUP PHOTO Coueur D'Alene, ID - (GPS) - Lured by the promise of a group photo, the five remaining kids in the Idaho stand-off surrendered to FBI agents yesterday. "We offered money, candy, it was no go," said Special Agent In Charge Matthew Brady. "Then our surveillance revealed they'd never had a group photo, so we offered that, and that turned the trick." Agents immediately had the kids dress up in their best Sunday Stay At Home And Guard The Compound Clothes and pose for the photo. "Never let it be said the FBI doesn't live up to its promises," Brady said. The FBI's mission was completed without gunfire and without significant injury. "I guess they're to be commended for that," said former Attorney General Janet "Machine Gun" Reno, planning a run for governor of Florida. "But I'd like to remind everyone my approach was much more dramatic," she said. "And Elian is back with his father; that can't be said for these kids," she added. The fate of the children has yet to be determined. Justice Department officials are weighing everything from "a good, hard spanking" to life imprisonment for aiming weapons at federal agents. "If we're lucky, this'll drag on for years and we'll never have to go back to the Jon Benet Ramsey case," said newly appointed FBI Director Larry King. Agents working in the FBI photo lab denied charges the photo had been retouched after stories surfaced that one of the kids had cut holes in his shirt to read, in Morse Code, "We want our mommy". "We may withhold evidence, but we don't tamper with it," King said. |
