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ISRAEL TO TURN OVER WEST BANK TO JORDAN; GAZA TO EGYPT "You Want To Deal With Arafat? Go! Do!," Says Israeli Parliament Tel Aviv, Israel - (GIS) - Startling everyone, Israel announced today it would turn over the West Bank to Jordan and the Gaza Strip to Egypt, effective in 48 hours. "Everyone says we should go back to the '67 borders," said Department of Stunning News Minister Joshua Gideon. "Well, we took the West Bank when it belonged to Jordan and Jordan attacked us, and we took the Gaza Strip from Egypt when Egypt attacked us, both in '67." "This, to us, is a just solution. If the Palestinians want a state, they should lobby King Abdullah and President Mubarek. Now, the fact that Jordan threw out the Palestinian Liberation Organization (PLO) when it tried to take over their whole country thirty years ago, and the fact that the PLO rejoiced when Mubarek's predecessor Anwar Sadat was assassinated, and the fact that Yasir Arafat lead the PLO during all that time, well, I would say Arafat has some apologizing to do," Gideon said. "Bottom line, let them work it out. Let the suicide bombers blow up people in Amman. Let's see how tolerant Abdullah is, or how quickly he says okay, have your state in Jordan," Gideon said. "And if the suicide bombers continue to attack us, we will have to conclude it has nothing to do with a Palestinian state and everything to do with their previously stated goal of driving us to the sea. So there," he said. King Abdullah and President Mubarek could not be reached for comment. Arafat said he could not issue a statement in English until a contradictory statement had been prepared in Arabic. Gideon conceded many of the Jewish settlers will not like the decision. "They'll have to move," he said. "It's different then when American colonists settled the midwest. In 1763 King George drew a line over which his colonies were not to expand, because that land west of the line belonged to the native tribes. Although the tea party and taxes get more emphasis, that line was part of the reason for the American Revolution," Gideon said. "Ultimately, American settlers did not have to move. Now ours do," Gideon added, issuing a heavy sigh. Meanwhile, the U.N. took up debate on whether to declare Israel "shrewd", "clever", or "downright sneaky". |
