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ISRAELI MILITARY OVERTHROWS VENEZUELAN GOV'T Seeks Distraction From Palestinian Impasse South American Correspondent - Experiencing rough going in their war on Palestinian terrorists, the Israeli military has turned its guns on an easy target: Venezuela. "We needed a quick morale booster," said Israeli army spokesperson Ari ben Bibi. "Venezuela was a logical target. This victory has our troops in good spirits again, ready to continue the lengthy fight against the Palestinian Authority and its wholly owned terrorist subsidiaries." The attack triggered a special meeting of the United Nations Insecurity Council. Many nations demanded to know "why Venezuela?" and demanded to know "What's the connection?" "Well, they are an OPEC member nation," explained Israeli Ambassador Ari ben Ari. "This makes them honorary Arabs. But they're civilized, which makes them an easy pushover. It's the uncivilized ones who are the more difficult, tenacious opponent." "Let's face it," he continued, "the U.S. got a lucky break in Afghanistan. The al Qaeda terrorists were stupid. They made a big mistake, hiding in caves by themselves. The Palestinians are much sneakier, hiding in residential neighborhoods, using women and children as shields. They know we try not to hurt disengaged civilians, while they are perfectly willing to target ours. This puts them at an advantage, and us at a disadvantage, because the rest of the world doesn't hold them to as high a standard of fair play as it expects from Israel. We have to justify self-defense, while they can get away with mass murder. It all comes down to placating OPEC." The U.N. Insecurity Council voted to ask the United States to demand all Israelis move to Babylon, or else. |
