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IRAQ SEEKS APPROVAL FOR PRE-EMPTIVE STRIKE Overwheming Evidence of Coming US Invasion Cited Paris, France - (GIN) - Presenting overwhelming evidence of a likely and imminent invasion by US military forces, Iraq is pressing for UN Security Council approval to launch a pre-emptive strike against the United States. "We are not looking to cause any bloodshed," said Uruk Assur. "Goodness knows, the Americans get very ticked off when you kill any of them. Thus we seek permission of the UN Security Council to do something less drastic, less cold-blooded than 9/11." Unnamed sources within the UN report that Iraq would like to detonate a low-yield nuclear device, in an as-yet-undecided location. Possible targets are rumored to include an uninhabited, remote stretch of the Rocky Mountains; an uninhabited, remote stretch of the Rio Grande border between the United States and Mexico; and a remote, uninhabited stretch of North Dakota, or the uninhabited Starbucks in Amish Country. U.S Ambassador to the U.N. Floyd Errandboy filed a formal protest against the Iraqi petition, and has promised to veto any resolution unless the U.S. is consulted in the target selection process. "We understand Iraq’s need to save face, before we whomp their butts, and are inclined to favor the Rio Grande border as an acceptable target. After all, we have been trying to curtail illegal immigration from Mexico for years, with little success. Since we cannot nuke the Mexicans ourselves, the Iraqis would actually be doing us a favor," Errandboy said. Errandboy said if Iraq is given permission for a pre-emptive strike without U.S. consultation, the U.S. would request permission for a pre- pre-emptive strike. |
