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GORE WON'T RUN, BUT GORE MIGHT Tipper Won't Be Gipper While Al Shaves For His Gal Inbred, TN - (GNS) - Tipper Gore announced yesterday she won't run for the Senate, thus, according to some observers, breaking faith with Hillary Clinton, Elizabeth Dole, and whatever Sonny Bono's wife's name is-- the one who's in Congress-- not Cher. "I realize the fact that I once wanted warning labels on the artistic works of geniuses like Frank Zappa disqualifies me for thinking I have the sound judgment needed to govern this country," Gore said. Gore denied that her husband's failure to stand for anything was an obstacle. "His lack of a consistent voting record and the absence of his name on any significant legislation actually worked in my favor," she said. "It's just, well, I'm a superfluous opportunistic demagogue, and don't we already have enough of them in government?" Tipper's husband, Al Gore, who allegedly ran for president in 2000 and actually received more votes than the winner of the election (!), reportedly shaved his beard as a sign of support for his wife's candidacy. "Yes, that is what I did. And let me tell you why I did it. What? You're snoring already?" Gore said. Al Gore would not confirm or deny reports that he is planning to run for president again in 2004. "What I will say to the doubters is that I'm sure I can at least come in second, and that, apparently, is enough to win," he said. |
