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HOUSE GOP GUNS DOWN CAMPAIGN FINANCE REFORM
Corporate Hired Guns, Posing As Representatives of The People, Plant Bill Six Feet Under
Washington, D.C. - (GIN) - Proudly known as hired guns, The Corporate Puppet Caucus, a majority of House Republicans, saved the American people from encroaching democracy by defeating campaign finance reform legislation and keeping power where it belongs, in the hands of the rich.
     "Today was a great day for America," Congressman Dick Armey (R.-TX) proclaimed. "We've beaten back the leftist politics of Senator John McCain and secured for the posterity of rich people the continuance of the best government money can buy."
     Several moderate Republicans voted with Democrats, but not enough to ensure passage of legislation that would limit the power of rich people in controlling political campaigns and their results.
     Republicans celebrated by dancing to Pink Floyd's "Money" off the Dark Side of the Moon album.
     Democrats restrained McCain, who threatened to "bomb and strafe the lot of 'em."
     Instead, several Democrats announced they will continue to move further and further thru the center in order to secure large campaign contributions.
     "It's either that, or do what both parties have done for years, and accept illegal contributions," said one Democratic Congressman, who wished to remain anonymous.