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GIULIANI SCREWS MISTRESS, FUCKS WIFE New York, NY - (GNS) - New York Mayor Ralph 'Hey Ralphie Boy' Giuliani, a respected leader of the nation's recent frenzied morality crusade, openly flaunted the fact that his mistress stays with him in the Mayor's Mansion, even though he is still married, and his wife still lives there. When asked how he reconciled this with his criticism of former President Clinton's morality, he replied, "Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke." Morality Czar William Bennett and most of the morality chorus of GOP and Right-wing Christian spokesmen have been silent on the issue. "The Lord did not command 'Thou Shalt Not Be Hypocritical'," Alan Keyes said. "The Bible had many heroic men who took more than one wife, and who the Lord blessed with concubines," Rev. Jerry Falwell said. "The way he's behaving, he could be a Democrat," said former Democrat and ABC news-whore George Stephanopolus. "By that I mean a centrist Democrat, because his behavior would certainly piss off the Naomi Wolf feminist faction of the party." "Mr. Stephanopolus misunderstands Naomi completely," said Mock Journalism Professor Al Gore, not realizing this is a news story about Giuliani and not him or Wolf. "If Giuliani were an Orthodox Jew we wouldn't be having this problem," said Pretend Doctor Laura Schlesinger, explaining that Orthodox Jews don't have marital problems. "Imagine New York City governed by an Orthodox Jew with an Italian name," said Nathan Lane, currently starring in the hit Broadway musical 'The Producers'. "I mean, oy vey." Mrs. Giuliani, an actress who starred in 'The Vagina Monologues', did not comment. Neither did her vagina. |
