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FETUS RIGHTS ORGANIZATION FORMED Demands Equal Protection In Hospitals, Maternity Wards And More Bethesda, MD. - (GIN) - Fetuses currently residing in Bethesda Naval Hospital announced yesterday the formation of the Fetuses United in Common Kinship (FUCK), a Fetus Rights Organization. Their first demand is equal protection in hospitals and maternity wards. "Some places are great, others suck," said FUCK spokesfetus Not Named Yet. "And I'm not talking about suckling, I'm talking about substandard facilities." "What's the point in protecting us from murder if you're going to allow shitty hospitals and maternity wards to exist?" asked out-going FUCK President Will Probably Be Named Britney. "Yeah, and what about this unequal housing and unequal education bit?" gurgled Not Named Yet. "You wanna stop people from murdering us, then you throw us into this stew? What the hell are you people thinking? Where are your values? Upgrading school facilities costs $112 billion and you'd rather put it into nuclear space-war technology and golden parachutes for failed CEOs?" The FUCK manifesto includes a ten-point list of demands, many having to do with the environment, Not Named Yet said. "We hold this to be self-evident," Will Probably Be Named Britney said, "Those so-called right-to-lifers don't really give a shit after the baby is born." Just minutes after the press conference Will Probably Be Named Britney was born, and was named Gloria, after Ben and Debbie's grandmother. |
