[Visit The Gary Gordon Band; Get info on Gary's CDs]
America's Only E-Paper That Comes Out Every 5 or 11 Days!!TAKE ME TO The Fictional Times!
Established April 17, 2001
|
FBI BOTCHED JOB, GETS MORE POWERS Hearings Begin Today To Decide Parameters Of Cover-up Washington, D.C. - (GNS) - Attorney General and Secretary of Prayer John Ashcroft announced yesterday, in song, the expansion of the powers of the FBI while conceding that "mistakes were made" in the days, weeks, years, and decades leading up to 9-11. "Gonna see Miz Liza, gonna go to Mississippi," Ashcroft sang in-between verses detailing the additional powers now granted to the beleagured yet praised yet criticized yet celebrated yet doubted yet venerable agency of the Federal Government. "We can knock you down, scratch your face, slander your name all over the place, burn your barn, steal your car, drink your corn liquor from an old fruit jar, we can do anything we want to do, make you strip at the airport and take off your shoes," sang Ashcroft. Critics of the FBI's new powers to pretty much throw out the Bill of Rights in their pursuit of anything but coordinated information and definitive good-guy action wondered aloud why an agency so riddled with incompetence should be granted more powers. They were arrested for Wondering Aloud. Meanwhile, the Senate, under the leadership of Bob Graham and Robert E. Lee Shelby, began what insiders described as "meaningful, protracted, specific, hornswoggled, productive, exhaustive, relative, manly" hearings "to get to the bottom of what happened even if it takes all afternoon." "We have alot of questions for the FBI. For example, why isn't Efrem Zimbalist, Jr. running the show? And whatever happened to that really cool theme music?" "There was a time when the FBI could destroy any leftist and quasi-leftist American radical organization," Shelby noted. "Why can't that ability be used against these furiners?" Ashcroft concluded his press conference with a rousing rendition of Bobby Fuller's "I Fought The Law (And The Law Won)". |
