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FASHION DESIGNERS, INTERIOR DECORATORS ASSAIL COLOR-CODED TERROR WARNINGS
Beige, Mauve, Black, Lime, Magenta, Teal Not Used
San Francisco, CA - (GNS)
- The use of red, orange, yellow, blue and green was attacked by professional color users and promoters at the annual Let's Talk Color Conference.
     "Basic colors no longer communicate," declared keynote speaker Myron Fosterbittle, a colors & textures consultant from Witchita, Kansas.
     "Take traffic lights. When's the last time yellow meant slow down or red meant stop?" he asked rhetorically.
     Others criticized the use of green for denoting "low risk of terrorist attacks".
     "Green means go. Is it telling us it's safe to go, or is it telling terrorists it's safe to attack? See? I'm not even a terrorist and I'm confused," said Wildebeest Ashcroft, a third cousin to the Attorney General and Singer.
     A poll of those attending the conference indicated beige should have been chosen as the "low risk" color, beating out teal by seventeen of the four hundred votes cast. A majority of attendees voted for black as the best color to denote "severe risk".
     Everyone rejected the use of orange for anything.
     "Orange is too ambiguous," said Arne Saknussemwaddle. "It should not mean 'high risk'. Mauve or Magenta is much better. Really, whenever you see those colors, doesn't a chill run down your spine?"
     Several at the conference said a "whole new color" should be developed to mean severe risk.
     "I don't know what it should be, but it should scare the hell out of you. It should be a color you never, ever want to see," said Nellie Zotperfunkenschtew.
     A delegation was selected to go to Washington to petition Homeland Ubermunchen Tom Ridge to change the color codes.