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FALWELL BLAMES GODLESS INDIANS FOR FIRES
Sherman, VA - (GNS)
- Reverend Jerry Falwell blamed the huge forest fires consuming hundreds of thousands of acres in the western U.S. on "godless Indians, the heathen ones, savages and casino-builders," in a statement at his university yesterday.
      "Just as the homos and perverts were to blame for the tragic attacks of Nine-Eleven, so the red Indians are to blame for these fires," he said in that biblical sentence structure known to and enjoyed by many.
      Falwell quoted scripture to support his accusation.
      "As it says in Judges, Chapter 9, Verse 11, 'And Gideon went up by the caravan route east of Nobah and Jog'behah, and attacked the army; for the army was off its guard'," he read.
      "And as it says in Ezra, Chapter 9, Verse 11, '...The land which you are entering to take possession of it, is a land unclean with the pollutions of the peoples of the lands, with their abominations which have filed it from end to end with their uncleanness...'," he read.
      Falwell said it was clear God intended war be made on non-believers who polluted the land with their uncleanness.
      Casinos are unclean, he said.
      "And we did not make that war. Instead we let their abominations fester and grow and now God is cleaning the land with fire," Falwell said.
      Falwell said it did not have to be this way, and it was not too late.
      "As it says in John, Chapter 9, Verse 11, 'The man called Jesus made clay and anointed my eyes and said to me, Go to Silo'am and wash; so I went and washed and received my sight'," he said.
      Catholic Bishops, meeting in Chicago to discuss the pedophile scandal, took a brief break to denounce Falwell.
      "We may have some perverted guys running around in robes, but Falwell's just nuts," said one.