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WAR ON FAKE DRUGS PROPOSED Washington, D.C. - (GNS) - Responding to reports that counterfeit Neopogen is circulating in pharmacies throughout America, President George "Jigger" Bush declared war on fake drugs. "Later today I will appoint a Fake Drug Czar," Bush told reporters. "This is a war we can't win-- lose, uh, a war we can lose-- uh, can't lose. Won't lose. Win. Beat. This is a war we will beat," Bush said. Bush said the Justice Department already had evidence, possibly tainted, that the fake drugs were manufactured in Colombia, Libya, or Vermont. Neopogen, according to Charlie Freak of the National Pharmeceutical Stuff Association, is marketed to prevent "something that needs preventing", and has as one of its side-effects "producing a chemical reaction that convinces the patient that the drug is counterfeit. Kind of ironic, huh?" The really fake Neopogen doesn't have that side effect, Freak said, "so if you take some of the fake drug, you'll feel like you're okay, but if you take some of the real drug you'll feel like you're not okay." "It's pretty weird," he said. Bush suggested everyone "stick to alcohol, until, you know, we get this sorted out." |
