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BUSH'S EUROPEAN VACATION HAS THE LAUGHS
By Dave Manning
Fictional Times Movie Critic

     He tells the English Ambassador "Your backside's in the way" then reveals to the press the details of a top secret trip; he nicknames the British Prime Minister "Landslide", then tells Russian Premier Putin "I ran against peace, prosperity and incumbency". He calls Africa a nation.
     It's the new Time-Warner-GOP-Turner-Sony-Oilco release Bush's European Vacation, and the laughs are fast and furious. George W. Bush proves himself to be as skilled and likeable an actor as Ronald Reagan, and twice as funny.
     The premise is as simple as the premises of all great comedy movies: a new president who can barely string together four coherent sentences but who has a zany sense of humor goes to Europe on a mission. He wants to convince European leaders he's serious about ending the threat of nuclear war and terrorism and global warming.
     And as with all great comedies, there's the twist: He confuses ABM with NATO and mistakenly insists the Anti-Ballistic Missile Treaty is "a relic of the past" even though it has worked, and urges everyone, including Russia, to believe the North Atlantic Treaty Organization is important for the future of world security.
     Leave it to first-time comedy writers Condoleeza Rice and Dick "Richard" Cheney to come up with a screwball notion like that.
     Especially funny are the scenes with Putin, played by Pee Wee Herman. Bush tries and tries to tell Putin Russians are not the enemy while all the while building up NATO and excluding Russia from NATO.
     The capper is the musical number Bush sings, "Putin On The Ritz". Mel Brooks, look out.
     For the kids, there's the constant slapstick and one-liners, topped by the Joint Chiefs of Staff poking each other in the eye a la the Three Stooges after Bush ends the U.S. bombing of Puerto Rico and pronounces Vieques correctly; for the adults there's the homage to Animal Farm, where Bush continually says one thing while doing another. He's against global warming, which is why he's against the Kyoto Accords which are against global warming.
     And credit the writers and producers with the clever sense to not go for the easy laughs in Poland. No cheap Polish jokes here. Instead there's the smart parody of Kennedy, with Bush standing before the Polish people, praising their dedication to democracy, and declaring "Ich bin ein Pole".
     Co-starring Freddie Prinze Jr. as the President of Spain, Gary Oldman in a rare comedy role as the President of Poland, Shannon Doherty as Jenna Bush, and Britney Spears as Sweden, and directed by Karl Rove, Bush's European Vacation spells laffter and threatens the career of Chevy Chase. Maybe Chase will have to run for president.