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EMINEM SENTENCED, ANNOUNCES NEW CD Bumfuck, MI - (GNS) - Standing silently before a Michigan judge, thinking silently to himself "what a Jew Fag," rapper-celebrity-millionaire Marshal "Eminem" Mathers was sentenced to two years probation for illegal possession of a handgun. Originally charged with assault, for pistol-whipping the shit out of someone at a bar, the charge was reduced through a plea bargain. The Judge insisted in his speech to "Eminem" that his celebrity status had nothing to do with the reduced charge, that probation was a "tough sentence" and that this sentence was designed to send a message to all celebrity-millionaires everywhere that if you pistol-whip someone you don't have to go to jail. Following the sentencing, "Eminem" announced his new CD, "Pistol-whip The Jew Fag", would be in stores within the month. The CD features several more songs about "Eminem's" perception of his deprived childhood and further justification for his violence-prone, homophobic and anti-female lyrics, including "The Judge Was A Jew Fag", "It's Hard To Tell What I Hate More", "If You Kiss My Ex-Wife You're A Fag And I'll Bust You Up", "I'm A Sensitive Artist With A Gun So You Better Fuckin' Watch Out", "Women Are Just Fags With Tits", and the duet with Billy Joel, "Hold Me Close, Tiny Dancer". |
