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America's Only E-Paper That Comes Out Every 5 or 11 Days!!TAKE ME TO The Fictional Times!
Established April 17, 2001
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SERIOUS CRIME RISES; SILLY CRIME EPIDEMIC White Collar Crime Ignored; Shirtless Crime Reconsidered Washington, D.C. - (GNS) - The FBI announced today that Serious Crime rose two percent during the last year, after a decade during which it fell. "But our greater concern is Silly Crime," said Department of Silly Crimes Director Noah Tznot. "Silly Crime is epidemic," he said. Tznot said the FBI was working hard to ignore White Collar Crime. He explained the decision to ignore it was "from the top, national security. Protect the oil business." Tznot said Shirtless Crime was undergoing further review. "We may have been too hasty to dismiss this area of crime. We have a task force looking at it," he said. Tznot said the figures will lead to a shift in emphasis at the FBI, if approved by the president. "Serious crime is certainly dangerous, harmful, but Silly Crime, that can undermine institutions and value systems. As soon as the war on terror is over, we're going to eradicate Silly Crime, wherever we find it, whatever it is," he said. |
