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SUPREME COURT MULLS PORN, DECLARES THERE ARE MEDICAL BENEFITS Washinton, D.C. - (GRN) - After spending as much time to weigh the evidence as it takes to pop a Viagra and retire to the bathroom with "some reading material", the Supreme Court today declared there are medical benefits to pornography, off-line or on. "I can't describe it, but I know a medical benefit when I see it," declared Justice Antonin "Beady-Eyes" Scalia. Justice Clarence "Coke" Thomas agreed, writing in part, "It is ironic that defenders of porn always cite the first amendment, where the argument is always precarious; here, under whatever amendment it is that provides for medical stuff, is the perfect defense." In a separate but supporting opinion, Justice Not-Bob Kennedy opined, "It is porn that has driven the progress of computers and the internet. Without porn it would have taken longer to develop the streaming video technology. Porn in the 90s and in this decade is like the space program was to the 50s and 60s. To outlaw it, to regulate it, why, I'm pretty sure that would be unconstitutional." In the only dissenting opinion, Justice David "The Meek One" Souter scribbled in the margin of his paper, "I can't believe I have to work with these people." |
