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CONDIT CLAIMS "FAIR SHARE" OF MISTAKES
Federal Trade Commission To Investigate Claim
Washington, D.C. - (GNS) - Representative Gary Condit, (D-CA) claimed he had made his "fair share" of mistakes in a letter to his constituents about the on-going news story about the on-going investigation into the on-going missingness of Chandra Levy.
     The claim caught the attention of high level staffers at the Federal Trade Commission (FTC), who announced they will investigate it.
     "We take this kind of claim very seriously," said Gatt Nafta, Director of Fairness Claims at the FTC.
     "There are a specific number of mistakes people are allowed to make, depending on their job classification, time of employment, military record, income, religious beliefs, political convictions, criminal records, gender, race, and sexual preference," Nafta explained.
     "And there's our exigent circumstances calculation, and the calculation having to do with force majeur, that is, whether or not Major Force was involved," Nafta said.
     Nafta added that Acts Of God, especially second acts-- the time during which any play or life usually succeeds or fails, are also added into the calculation.
     He said Condit's record of mistakes and the number he is allowed are still being calculated.
     "Penalties for commiting more than your fair share of mistakes and claiming otherwise are severe," said Major Force, USAF Special Forces, on detached service to the FTC.
     If Condit has exceeded his limit, he could be faced with endless questioning by several investigators from several branches of government, and a team of special prosecutors, he could face criminal and civil charges, he could face endless and relentless questioning from the media and he could be subject to a $45 fine, Force said.
     "If he's obviously guilty, we would hope he would resign, rather than putting the nation through another prolonged national nightmare," Nafta said.