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CLINTON NOT IN THE NEWS
by Fictional Times Correspondents
Bob Fontneau & Gilbert Hurricane

Atlanta, GA - (GSI) - President Bill Clinton has not been in the news for almost two weeks.
     Investigative journalists throughout the world have been assigned to the story.
     Pollsters have begun polling. Think tanks have begun analyzing whether or not this is a trend.
     "In a critical time such as this, when so many relevant things that affect each and every one of us are going on, it would be a relief to spend a few moments pondering and enjoying the dull and inconsequential life of a mediocre president," said cultural observer Kathy Lee Gifford.
     "To have that taken from us so soon, it's tragic," she said.
     Congressional leaders vowed to hold hearings.
     "If we can't get Clinton back in the news, we'll have to spend twice as much time watching stuff about Jon Benet Ramsey," declared Senator Orrin Hatch (R - Utah). "I mean, good God, we've been reduced to watching polygamy trials. Bill, where are you?"