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CLINTON BLAMED FOR CHINA AIR COLLISION Washington D.C. - (IGN) - Former President William "Bill" Clinton was blamed by several Republican and "Democrat" leaders for the recent collision of two military planes off the coast of China yesterday in what onlookers described as a "blistering" press conference of "patriotism"and "vitriol". "Everything is his fault, and that's just a fact," declared Sen. Dan Burton (R-Somewhere), "and as Reagan used to say, 'Facts are stubborn things'." When asked by reporters for evidence of Clinton's culpability in the collision, House Leader Tom DeLay (R-Someplace) answered, "Evidence? There is none. But that's never stopped us before." "Since Bush was elected, we've sunk a Japanese ship full of kids and suffered the downing of a highly sophisticated intelligence-gathering plane. Of course we're going to try to shift the blame away from us," said Senate Majority Leader Trent Lott(R-Miss.). Lott called on Democrats to accept blame for the incident "in the spirit of bipartisanship." "It probably was Clinton's fault," agreed Sen. Zell Miller (D-Ga),who has been eager to put himself in the Republican camp since winning election as a Democrat. "Clinton's failure to live a moral life just encourages this kind of thing," said Sen. Joe Lieberman (D-Is). When asked what kind of thing, he replied, "Chinese aggression." Attorney General John Ashcroft confirmed his office is considering the appointment of a Special Prosecutor. "It's very possible all the Democrats since and including Truman are responsible, since we lost China in 1949," Ashcroft said. "This press conference restored our sense of patriotism," said Frank Onlookers. When asked about the evident vitriol, his wife Tiffani said, "I take mine every morning." |
