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CHINA JAILS SCHOLARS AS SPIES
Anyone Smart Enough To Study Blasted As Enemy Of The State In Qui Si Shun, China - (GIN) - Demonstrating its self-proclaimed rapid march into the ranks of civilized nations in the 21st Century, China jailed another scholar yesterday, after sentencing him for being a spy. This is the third scholar convicted of spying this year. "We are enlightened, but we cannot tolerate independent thinking," China's Chief Law Enforcement Officer and School Superintendant Wo No Go said. "Education must be accompanined by the discipline not to use it," he said. American response to the news was not swift. "Americans are split on whether to pursue a course of boycott or constructive engagement over China's apparent violations of human rights and its intolerance of free speech," said U.S. Secretary of Matter-Of-Factedness Downey Middle. Former President Carter, who blasted President Bush for failing at everything, noted that boycotts worked in South Africa, "but it was blue jeans and rock music" that prevailed in the U.S.S.R. "So I don't know," he said decidedly. Former Secretary of State Henreich Kissinger condemned the Chinese action. "They should take a lesson from us. Our best scholars labor anonymously, underpaid, in universities, where they have little influence on the public; our worst scholars rise to powerful positions, like Secretary of State, where they are at best puppets for the ruling class," he said. |
