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BUSH POINTS TO CARIBOU AS NATIONAL SECURITY THREAT Washington D.C. -(GPI) -President George W. Bush declared today that Caribou pose a significant threat to "our national security" and issued executive orders to the Joint Chiefs of Staff to draw up plans for "the removal or eradication of these vultures." "The Caribou hold land vital to our national interests. There is oil there. We must drill," Bush said. "Further, they procreate without the benefit of marriage,on our land! And I'm against that. It's not right," Bush added. "It's similar to the Sioux using up all the Dakotas, or the Cherokee taking up Georgia," General William T. Sherman said, referring to Bush's orders. "There is precedent," Attorney General Ashcroft said. "After all we eradicated a lot of Indians, and removed a lot, too, and they were actually people. These Caribou are just glorified deer." "Ironically, Caribou means 'threat' in French," Elliot Abrams, newly appointed Disinformation Officer, said. The Pentagon is expected to finalize plans within a month. "We're calling it 'Operation Arctic Storm', and let me put it this way: resistance seems to be light," Sherman said. When asked if he thought the Caribou maybe aware of the Navys' inability to surface a submarine without accident or the Marines' inability to fly the Osprey or the Air Forces' inability to ditch a spy-plane, Sherman said, "It's all according to plan. As long as we keep attention away from Colombia, we're fine." |
