The Fictional Times

An independent product of Gary Gordon Productions
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America's Only E-Paper That Comes Out Every 5 or 11 Days!!
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Established April 17, 2001

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BUSH SPEECH WILL BE SHORT, TO THE POINT
Advance Copy Obtained By The Fictional Times
     "Hi.
     I'm George Bush. Your President.
     Tonight I want to tell you we face bad problems that require bold solutions.
     Now I'm sick and tired of alot of this stuff, so here's the deal.
     If we give money to rich people, they'll spread it around so the rest of you folks will get some.
     If we nuke Iraq, we win, we get the oil, we rule the world, gas prices go down.
     If we give federal money to Christian schools, everybody gets edjicated with proper you know.
     If we privatize national parks you can have more fun on your snowmobiles and stuff.
     If we put all the possible bad guys in jail, an' I mean all of 'em, of every race, creed and color, then the rest of us are safe.
     If we fill the sky with thingamabobs that can shoot down anything aimed at us, then we're safe.
     If people would jog like I do, you wouldn't get sick and we wouldn't need all this health-care stuff. An' remember, medicine is too important to be considered expensive. I mean, if life is priceless, you gotta expect medicine won't be cheap. Just do a budget.
     I'm sure corporations know alot more about what's good for us than individual so-called do-gooder wackos.
     Pioneers didn't choose one-horse wagons if they could get a Conestoga. We shouldn't have to choose tiny cars when God gave us the brains to build SUVs.
     I'm sure I left out some stuff, but you get the idea.
     Now go home. And God bless America. And good night.