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BUSH URGES WAR ON POVERTY;
REDISTRIBUTES WEALTH TO RICH
Bumpkin, TX - (IGN) - In sweeping legislation designed to fight poverty, President Bush signed a tax bill and energy bill that will make it more difficult to remain poor.
     "This act will eventuality elimimimuate poverty," Bush declared.
     "It's a graduated, progressive tax system," Treasury Secretary and seasoned Yankee ballplayer Paul O'Neil explained. "The top one percent of income-earners and money-possessors get the biggest relief, followed by the top three percent, followed by the top five percent, and so on."
     "This tax bill will put between three hundred and six hundred dollars back into the pockets of the average American," Energy Secretary Spencer Hippocket said. "That's around twenty or thirty tanks of gas. Depending how much gas mileage you get, that might go a long way."
     "It's simple," said Vice President Dick "Richard" Cheney, "We figure if you give money to the rich, it'll help the poor."
     "You can't argue with logic like that," agreed ABC shills George Will and George Apocalypse.
     "We give all the money to the rich, we promote energy plans that benefit nuclear-power corporations, oil and gas corporations, and we say over and over and over again this helps the poor, that'll work," explained Press Secreatry Ali Oxenfree.
     "See, it works like this. I give you a fish, you don't learn anything. I give the nuclear industry beaucoups bucks and they pollute the rivers, lakes, streams and oceans and you get bad, dead fish, you learn something. It's an old proverb," said Senator Arlen "Single Bullet" Specter (R-Pa.).
     "Here's a better example," chimed in Congressman Dan Burton (R-Uthere), "We give tax breaks to the rich, they give us contributions, we get re-elected, we give them more tax breaks, they give us more money, we get re-elected again. It's win-win."
     Administration officials said the payoff from this legislation could happen as early as 2004, but stressed that concrete actions were more important than predictions and payoffs.
     "Judge us by what we do, not by what results," said Representative Tom DeLay.