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BUSH PROPOSES OUTLAWING COUCHES Pro-Exercise Advocates Applaud Action Venice, CA- (GNS) - Speaking before an audience at the world famous World Gym near Muscle Beach in Venice, California, President Bush continued his push for fitness with a proposal to outlaw couches. "If couches were outlawed, only outlaws would have couches," Bush said before a crowd of cheering body-builders and body-builder wannabes. "The couch is a deadly weapon in the hands of the forces of obesity. In my war on obesity, it is mandatory we remove that weapon," Bush said. "It's not the potato, it's the couch," he declared. Bush said he will convene a meeting of his top national security advisors to discuss how to go about seizing every couch not turned in voluntarilly. "I don't know if it's the second ammendment, or the eighth or what number it is, be we've got the right to send a quarter of our troops into peoples' homes to bear arms and when acting as a militia seize couches," he said. "There's nothing in the Constitution about the right to have a couch," he said. "I'm pretty sure Anty, Clare and Renk will back me up on that," he added, using his pet nicknames for three Supreme Court Justices known to ignore the Constitution in their faux effort to apply the Constitution. Bush said exercise was especially important to achieve fitness, "what with all those sugary cereals and fast-food crap the kids eat." Bush said health advocates who want him to outlaw harmful foods and television "are barking up the wrong river." "You can't interfere with the Invisible Hand of the Marketplace," he said. "Not in a free country. No. Take their couches, and their hearts and minds will follow." |
