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BUSH DECLARES NAME CHANGE FOR MIDDLE EAST Cites Need To Eliminate Confusionability Robert Fontneau & Gilbert Hurricane Washington D.C. - (GNS) - In a statement released by the State Department today, President Bush declared his administration will no longer refer to the Middle East as the Middle East. "It's just too dang confusing," the president was quoted as saying. "You got your Midwest, which is all them states up near the Great Lakes that voted for Gore, then you got the Middle East, which not only isn't next to the Midwest, it isn't even in the same country." "One of the things we said we would do when we took over from that Clinton fella was simplify things and this is the first step," the statement continued. According to the release the new official designation for the area-formerly-known-as-the-Middle East will be "All them places with Jews, Arabs, and Oil." "It sounds a little wordy at first," Bush conceded, "but we think it will avoid alot of confusion, especially if we do any bombing or invading there." "I remember what my daddy told me during Operation Desert Storm," Bush said. "He said that every time they said Middle East, he was afraid we were bombing Kentucky or something. That's just too dang much stress." When asked for comment on the subject, Palestinian officals set off a car bomb and an Israeli official asked, "Have any of you heard anything about what that fellow Clinton is up to these days? For someone who acted as if he cared about those of us in All them places with Jews, Arabs, and Oil, he is strangely quiet, it seems." In a related story, Bush asked State Department officials to form a committee to develop a new name for the State Department. "That's another one that don't make no sense. It doesn't have a dang thing to do with any states. It's mostly about foreign countries like Africa and places like that," the president said. "I suggested we call it the 'quit whining or we'll blow you up' Department, but Dick (Vice President Cheney) said that would make some of those Euros even madder. Then he explained to me what a 'Euro' was." Bush is scheduled to meet with the President of South Africa today. "I'm plannin' on suggestin' he change the name of his country. South Africa sounds too much like a state in the U.S., like South Dakota or South Carolina or South Florida. I think the word 'South' is ours." "He should call it 'Way Down There' or 'Former Troublespot' or something like that, so people know where it is." |
