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BONO-HELMS TIE SPARKS NEW ALIGNMENTS Cleveland, OH - (GPS) - Citing Bono's relationship with rightwing Senator Jesse Helms, Bob Dylan announced the beginning of a relationship with Attorney General John Ashcroft, and Melissa Etheridge announced a new relationship with Gary Bauer. The announcements were made at the Rock N' Roll Hall of Fame, where it was announced that Tom DeLay (R.-TX) and Joe Lieberman (R.-CT) would be inducted. Dylan said Ashcroft called him to enlist his help in the war against crime. "The pump don't work 'cause the vandals took the handle," Ashcroft said. Etheridge said her connection with Bauer has nothing to do with "his hideous politics". "I just think he's kinda cute," she said. DeLay will be inducted into the Hall of Fame "because he has such a rock n' roll name," said the Hall's CEO of Inductorship Elvis Dion. Lieberman will be inducted "because he looks like Yoda and probably sings like Van Morrison on a bad night," Dion said. Sen. Orrin Hatch (R.-UT), who writes country gospel songs, said he has been trying to gain a relationship with Aerosmith but "Steve won't return my calls." |
