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BATHROOMS NO LONGER USED FOR BATHING, OTHER STUFF (YOU KNOW) Dayton, OH - (GNS) - Americans no longer use the bathroom for bathing or the other stuff they used to do in there, according to a recent poll taken by RecentPoll of Dayton, Ohio. "The figures don't lie," said RecentPoll CEO John Flush. "Americans read, they think, they use the phone. I don't know what the hell's going on," he said. According to the poll, 53% of Americans read in the bathroom, 47% think, and 33% use the phone. "I know it adds up to more than 100%," Flush said, responding to critics. "I think people are maybe thinking and reading or on the phone and thinking or who knows, they might be reading and on the phone," he said. "Or it could be there's a 50% margin of error," he added. Toiletmakers voiced concern about the extraordinary amount of phone usage. "Don't use the phone when you're on the throne," said John John, president of Toilets Are Us, from nearby Cincinnati, quoting the organization's bumpersticker. "It's dangerous," he said, but he did not elaborate. Americans For Safe Bathroom Use has called for Congressional hearings regarding the safety of using a cell-phone in the bathroom. And Mothers Against Indecent Stuff (MAIS) have also called for hearings. "What, exactly, are these people reading?" Mrs. Inqui Sition demanded to know. MAIS is an off-shoot of Tipper Gore's now-defunct Parents For Labeling Music We Don't Like. Flush said RecentPoll was planning to do a survey to determine how people use the bedroom, but cancelled those plans. "If we find out they're not sleeping, then I don't know what," he mumbled. |
