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BALTIMORE TUNNEL FIRE, PROTESTER DEATH NOT LINKED - FBI
Baltimore, MD - (GNS) - The FBI announced after hours of investigation that the Baltimore tunnel fire and the shooting of the protester in Genoa were "not linked."
     The thorough investigation was conducted by Special Agent Frank Implausible, at the direction of acting FBI Director C.Y.A. Goosechase.
     "Early indications were there was no relationship between the two, but it was necessary to verify that," Implausible said.
     Implausible said the Bureau conducted seventeen interviews and studied photos of trains as well as looking through their files on Italian dissidents not part of sanctioned FBI-Mob activity.
      "Unfortunately, our lap top with all our tunnel information is missing," Implausible said. But he ruled that out as meaning anything.

Baltimore, MD - (GNS) - The FBI announced after hours of investigation that the Baltimore tunnel fire and the case of the missing intern were "not linked."
     The thorough investigation was conducted by Special Agent Hugh Unlikely, at the direction of acting FBI Director C.Y.A. Goosechase.
     "Early indications were there was no relationship between the two, but it was necessary to verify that," Unlikely said.
     Unlikely said the Bureau conducted fourteen interviews and studied photos of tunnels as well as looking through their files on slumping ballplayers.
     "Unfortunately, our lap top with all our train information is missing," Unlikely said. But he ruled that out as meaning anything.

Baltimore, MD - (GNS) - The FBI announced after hours of investigation that the Baltimore tunnel fire and the problem of the slumping Baltimore Orioles baseball team were "not linked."
     The thorough investigation was conducted by Special Agent Era Average, at the direction of acting FBI Director C.Y.A. Goosechase.
     "Early indications were there was no relationship between the two, but it was necessary to verify that," Average said.
     Average said the Bureau conducted eighteen interviews and studied photos of Orioles as well as looking through their files on misdirected FBI investigations.
     "Unfortunately, our lap top with all our training manuals is missing," Implausible said. But he ruled that out as meaning anything.

Baltimore, MD - (GNS) - The FBI announced after hours of investigation that the Baltimore tunnel fire and the problem a decades-long failure to properly fund infrastructure maintenance throughout the nation were "not linked."
     The thorough investigation was conducted by Special Agent Les Money, at the direction of acting FBI Director C.Y.A. Goosechase.
     "Early indications were there was no relationship between the two, but it was necessary to verify that," Money said.
     Money said the Bureau conducted twelve interviews and studied photos of fancy offices and unworkable weapons systems as well as looking through their files on foreign terrorism and sabotage.
     "Unfortunately, our lap top with all our the government budget reviews and comparisons is missing," Money said. But he ruled that out as meaning anything.