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America's Only E-Paper That Comes Out Every 5 or 11 Days!!TAKE ME TO The Fictional Times!
Established April 17, 2001
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9/12/02 Mr. Secretary General, Mr. President, Mr. Sandman, Mr. Rogers, Mr. Roberts, Mr. Tibbs, Mr. Fill In The Blank, Mr. Your Name Here, distinguished delegates, undistinguished delegates-- and you know who you are-- ladies and gentlemen, and the rest of you. One year and one day ago, terrorists attacked my country tis of thee, and brought grief to many citizens of our world, and prosperity to some who moved quickly enough to take advantage of it in the true entrepreneurial sense for which we stand one nation under God, individual, with liberty and justice for all... but I digress. We've accomplished much in Afghanistan since then, but our work there is not done. Not by a long shot. No sirree. The United Nations was born, despite the best efforts of some of my political backers, in the hope that survived a world war, the hope of a world moving toward justice, escaping old patterns of conflict and fear, and inventing new ones, more global, and even into space. Spacial. The founding members resolved that the peace of the world must never again be destroyed by the will and wickedness of any man, regardless of race, creed or color. And I'm sure if they were alive today, they would add sexual preference. We created a United Nations Security Council so that, unlike the League of Nations, our deliberations would be televised, more than talk. Action. That's what the Security Council is about. You know, get in there an' slug it out. Action. We should all be action figures. After generations of deceitful dictators, many supported by my nation, broken treaties, many broken by my nation, and squandered lives, many-- well, you get the idea-- we dedicated ourselves to standards of human dignity shared by all and to a system of security defended by all. With blue helmets. Today, these standards and this security are challenged, and I think you know what I mean. Our commitment to human dignity, such as it is, in this double-dip recessionary time, a time in which it's better to be cautious about helping the poor and infirm and incredibly slow in meting out justice to the robber barons and swindlers who populate our corporate elite, is challenged by, well, how should I put it... a madman. Just an out-and-out evil low-down dangerous junkyard scumbag. Our responsibilities are clear. Our motives are transparent. And we will do something about that. But what will we do? What would Jesus do? Well, Jesus did not live in a time when a madman scumbag possessed as yet-to-be-found weapons of mass destruction. So, there. Good. That's done. We must do what we must do. In God's name. And hopefully with your blessing. Our principles, and we do have them, even if and when they are not self-evident, and our security are challenged today by regimes that accept no law of morality and have no limit to their violent ambitions. And regimes without morality, well, I don't have to tell you. If you haven't got morality, even though it's a relative term, you're just... I don't know. Whatever. In one place, in one regime, we find all these dangers in their most lethal and aggressive forms - exactly the kind of aggressive threat the United Nations was born to confront. No, I'm not talking about Afghanistan or Osama Bin Laden. Yes, I know he's the one who attacked us, but, well, see, twelve years ago, Iraq invaded Kuwait without provocation, on instruction from us, and we had to return democracy to Kuwait even though they'd never been democratic. Yes, you can see what we're up against. Had Saddam Hussein not been removed from office by my Dad, we would be threatened by him today. And in fact he wasn't removed, and so we are threatened-- imminently threatened-- by him today. Yes, Saddam Hussein, not Osama Bin Laden, is public enemy number one. Enemy de publico numero uno. Herr General Scheisskopf. Because Hussein would've done what Bin Laden did if he'd thought of it. That's how evil he is. So here's the deal. We gotta go to war and get this regime change happening. And, to use the old union and civil rights phrase, "move on over or we'll move on over you." To quote my good friend Bob Dylan, "don't stand in the doorways, don't block up the halls." To quote Sly Stone, "do we get to win this time?" To quote Queen, "we are the champions." Remember the Alamo! Give us the green light. You got a few days. Maybe a couple of weeks. Okay? Thank you. |